What are you going to regret not having done today when you go to bed tonight?

What an interesting question. This is the kind of question it is dangerous to answer, especially when there are dangerous feelings involved, and dangerous boyfriends. Always before I'd thought of regrets as something having to do with your entire life, and all the actions and decisions that you have made to do or not do do something. But then I got to thinking that maybe instead of a matter of months or even years I have to do all of the things that I am meaning to do eventually, it comes down to a matter of hours and minutes. What then? Can I still say I honestly don't regret anything at the end of the day? I've always tried to live my life in such a way that when the shit hits the fan, I can honestly stand up and say "I don't regret anything." I suddenly understand what a dangerous philosophy this is. I don't know what would have happened if we had not been where we were, among so many people. The impulse may have been too strong to supress. But at least I could have honestly answered her question with "Nothing."

But would I have regretted it later? Would that "Nothing," have to be changed to "Kissing you," and how will I ever know? There is a safe way and there is a not so safe way. I was walking a dangerously thin line tonight. And maybe I'm not as clever as I think I am. And maybe she knows. But we can dance around the subject for weeks, probably months, I know. I've done it before. But it depends on how serious he is about this guy. I refuse to be a rebound, if and when it comes to that.

I'm having difficulty writing about this next bit. It's one thing to write my own innermost secrets in this thing, its entirely something else to write someone else's. Therefore, I am going to skip it.

When you're a poet, you can cry for everything.

I've cried for her.

And I've cried for humanity. What are we, what is it inside of us that makes us capable of inflicting so much pain upon ourselves and upon each other. Sometimes, I'm ashamed to call myself Human.