Blog of a Penguin

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

And why we're on the subject

What, exactly, is it about me that's so scary?

Nevermind. I'm pretty sure I know what it is, even if she doesn't. It's pretty easy, actually.

I give of myself so easily. I guess for someone, who, like most of us, has so many barriers built up around their heart, it's hard to understand someone, especially someone so recently out of the kind of relationship she thinks I must have had with Steph, who is so willing to be so open. But that's what makes me different I guess. I don't want any of the games. I don't want to do the dance. I don't want to worry about what ifs, whys, or hows. Fuck. Just DO it. You know? Why does it have to be so complicated? Yeah, so if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. Big deal. It hurts for awhile, you cry, you write sad songs, you write mad songs, you move on with your life. Most likely to do the whole thing again.

So what if I want to skip the superficial stage? I don't want that. I don't need it. I want something real. I'm not really sure what that means, real. So whatever. Sorry if I say things that scare you. But I'm sure I will. I'm not like anyone you've ever met before. And that's not ego talking.

Except I'm not

Where did that come from? I'm I controlling? Am I really that egotistical? Or was she just pissed because I heard something she didn't want to get back to me? Whatever. Fuck it.

You know, I really did like you. I'm sorry that you misinterpreted me. But then, it's not really my job to interpret the things that I say for you. Maybe it didn't come out the way I meant it, or maybe you just distorted it through your own twisted lenses. Sorry, but I have a hard time taking you seriously when you have made absolutely zero effort to get to know me. Don't pretend like you do.

I know what's bugging me about it. I'm usually such a strong judge of character, and I didn't see this coming. At all.

Well fuck you lady. I'm not a creep. I'm not one of those guys who treats women like a piece of property. And most importantly, I don't have to answer to you. You don't know the first thing about me, let alone where I'm coming from. I'm a GOOD boyfriend. And I know it. Just because you only know about guys from the ones you pick and the way they treat you, don't assume we're all the same.